Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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