wanna go halves on a baby?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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