He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
