I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
