Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
