We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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