Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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