I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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