First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize