3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
