i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
