I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You did what with his pubic hair?
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