My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
