my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
