I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
