Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
