My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm too high and old for this...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
