Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
