....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
