Porn is love you can see.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
