the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
