Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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