Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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