Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
