About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
