all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
