Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
