dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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