Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
