You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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