Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
