Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
