Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
