When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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