i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How does one acquire holy water?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
