Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
