Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
