Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Alive.
So much puke
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
