I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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