it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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