did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
