i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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