I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
