Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
