I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
