2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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