I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
