Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
