Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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