you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
