In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
