just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
