Porn is love you can see.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
