he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
