that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
