i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
