Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
