Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
