whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
