when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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