Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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