Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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