I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
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Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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