Just fell off a train. Bad.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
