You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
