I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
