i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
